"Monday"

It was a typical Monday afternoon.      
Too much to do.          
Not enough time to do it.         
Phone always ringing.   
Bills to pay.     
Not enough money to pay them.           
No time to count my blessings. 
Trying to keep my chin up in this world.

At first my ear was cold.  My left ear. My better ear of the two.
And it spread – slowly.

People were around.  I could not let them see.
My eyes started to burn – a cold burn.  My toes –
            Locked up.  I could feel the     
Hair on my arms raise.  Even my teeth  
Hurt – not like an ice cream
sensation – but they     
Hurt – and my stomach felt uneasy, sending a   
Foul taste to my mouth.  I knew where my appendix     
Was.  For sure this time.  And I couldn’t          
Move.  Now
I’ve been cold before.  
Cold rain soaking my socks.    
Snow inside my gloves.
The car in the dead of February before the heat kicks in.          
The shower I took the day the water heater broke.       
The operating room.  But this cold – 

This cold had a presence.         
Inside of me.    
My bones.       
My flesh.         
My blood.  I could feel my blood moving.        
And the presence crawled on me.        
Like spiders and snakes.          
On my skin.  Between my toes.  Through my nose and mouth and ears –

And I saw the world for what it is.        
Selfish people  
Cunning people
Deceitful people 

And I saw myself for who I am
The worst side 
Selfish 
Cunning           
Deceitful

And I couldn’t feel the presence of God

And then it was gone
And I had a terrible headache.
And I threw up.

It wasn’t a typical Monday afternoon anymore.

(2001)